Kids Say the Darndest Things

[devilof76]

Hell, I was holding up the Great Wall of Santa belief last year and she was 11.

I'll give birth through an axe wound in my forehead if I have to do it again this year.

 

[thenammagazine]

I wonder where they learned that word from?

Explained in the post, doofus.

 

[Darth Cruel]

I am so screwed; she is always a step ahead of me.



My brother has Santa's number. I told him to call Santa when they were acting up, last year. The phone conversation they had was very convincing. I hope that works for at least one more year.

Hell, I was holding up the Great Wall of Santa belief last year and she was 11.

I'll give birth through an axe wound in my forehead if I have to do it again this year.

An aquaintance of mine has an awesome Santa suit. Complete with fat padding and a beard that is hard to pull off (it ties on, as does the hair, behind your head). He gets a few people to help out each year and they all take turns playing Santa for an appearance for each others kids. Three years ago, I got to take a turn. It was awesome. He had two teenagers who knew the truth so their help made it easy on me. But that little boy's face beaming when I was talking to him and the reaction my kids had when "Santa" showed up at our house was priceless.

They had oranges that they threw on the roof to simulate the reindeers' hooves. And we left "reindeer food" on the lawn (which the guys made to appear to have been partially eaten). It was agreat time!

 

[devilof76]

Santa should have his own religion. Best god ever.

 

[AllisonAmy]

An aquaintance of mine has an awesome Santa suit. Complete with fat padding and a beard that is hard to pull off (it ties on, as does the hair, behind your head). He gets a few people to help out each year and they all take turns playing Santa for an appearance for each others kids. Three years ago, I got to take a turn. It was awesome. He had two teenagers who knew the truth so their help made it easy on me. But that little boy's face beaming when I was talking to him and the reaction my kids had when "Santa" showed up at our house was priceless.

They had oranges that they threw on the roof to simulate the reindeers' hooves. And we left "reindeer food" on the lawn (which the guys made to appear to have been partially eaten). It was agreat time!

That's awesome.

Santa should have his own religion. Best god ever.

I'm starting a church.

 

[Darth Madden]

Ok, here is my contribution to this thread. My 4 year old niece came over and found her way into my toy room and she looked around for a minute and blurts out "You have dollies." I tried to explain to her they were very limited and valuable hight end collectibles but I don't think she bought it.

 

[AllisonAmy]

Ok, here is my contribution to this thread. My 4 year old niece came over and found her way into my toy room and she looked around for a minute and blurts out "You have dollies." I tried to explain to her they were very limited and valuable hight end collectibles but I don't think she bought it.

And just exactly what is wrong with "dollies"?

 

[ASTRO13ZOMBIE]

3 year old was asked by somebody else how old they though their friend was.

The answer: "close to death"

 

[AllisonAmy]

This morning, I saw my youngest walk down the hallway out of the corner of my eye. I asked her if she was getting into trouble. She came into the kitchen where I was, "If I was getting into trouble, I would be somewhere else."

 

[Darth Cruel]

This morning, I saw my youngest walk down the hallway out of the corner of my eye. I asked her if she was getting into trouble. She came into the kitchen where I was, "If I was getting into trouble, I would be somewhere else."

LOL...Ahhh...the simple honesty of children..direct and to-the-point.


Reminds me of the time my Nephew and Niece pumped some oil out of a 50 gallon drum onto the floor of their dad's shop. When he asked them why they did it, they told him "Because it was fun". They were not being disrespectful. They knew they were in trouble and simply told the truth.

 

[toylion]

This morning, I saw my youngest walk down the hallway out of the corner of my eye. I asked her if she was getting into trouble. She came into the kitchen where I was, "If I was getting into trouble, I would be somewhere else."

I wonder where she thinks a good place to get into trouble is?

 

[Darth Cruel]

I wonder where she thinks a good place to get into trouble is?

I presume anywhere that mom is not.

 

[fosing]

ha, smart and cute.

 

[Lejuan]

My two-year old has this animal-themed Rorschach thing going on with her turds at the moment. She does her business on the toilet, hops off and inspects the contents before announcing its genus (ie 'snake!' or 'crocodile!' or 'octopus!').

 

[Rorywan]

My two-year old has this animal-themed Rorschach thing going on with her turds at the moment. She does her business on the toilet, hops off and inspects the contents before announcing its genus (ie 'snake!' or 'crocodile!' or 'octopus!').

I took my two year old to check out a new pre-school, he tripped on the door on the way in and said to the teacher "Oh Bollox".

 

[Darth Cruel]

My two-year old has this animal-themed Rorschach thing going on with her turds at the moment. She does her business on the toilet, hops off and inspects the contents before announcing its genus (ie 'snake!' or 'crocodile!' or 'octopus!').

Now THIS is good stuff...that is $100,000 on America's Funniest Home Videos waiting to happen!

 

[Lejuan]

Now THIS is good stuff...that is $100,000 on America's Funniest Home Videos waiting to happen!

I keep meaning to get round to videoing that to play at her 21st. I've only got a small window of opportunity left, she's kind of exhausted her animal repertoir. I can start to see some disappointment there, like "oh, another snake..."

 

[Darth Cruel]

My son wanted to tell me that he thought someone was stupid.


He used the phrase "He's not from around here" to make that point.


I have never heard that phrase used in that way before. I was laughing my *** off.

 

[AllisonAmy]

My son wanted to tell me that he thought someone was stupid.


He used the phrase "He's not from around here" to make that point.


I have never heard that phrase used in that way before. I was laughing my *** off.

 

[devilof76]

That is awesome.

My youngest niece (she's 4) was watching Avengers with me the other day, and she said she was going to be a superhero named Firegirl. She could fly, everything she touched turned into fire, and her nails were always painted.