Getting over my wife cheating on me..

[BadMoon]

Great post indeed moon. It's a possibility that I might be better off without her but this marriage is not that damaged from where I'm standing and I have a lot more to lose. If I didn't love her anymore or didn't have a son with her then I would be - fine, ____ let me get the hell out of here then!

This is why IMO you need to seek council. A marriage and any relationships foundation is built on trust. You HAVE lost it. So the marriage most certainly is damaged.

Now of course you still love her. If you didn't there would certainly be a problem. You are human and it shows that you truly do care for her.

I agree with Maglor that people seek divorce too quickly these days. It's such an easy out. Trust me when I say I tried to explore every avenue during my endeavor. However, if she's not willing to work with you (as in my case) you have no choice.

Also regardless of what either one of you are feeling guess who is the most important. The kids sir. As a man you have to make them your priority. However, IMO you are not doing children any justice by staying together for their sake. Usually nasty fights break out in front of the child and the vibe is hardly anything good. If it's over it's over. But you BOTH still have to take care of the child as a team.

 

[DiFabio]

I'd try to catch them in the act if I were you. Maybe follow her or if you know where he lives, see if she's there and what they're doing.

 

[The Chaver]

This is why IMO you need to seek council. A marriage and any relationships foundation is built on trust. You HAVE lost it. So the marriage most certainly is damaged.

Now of course you still love her. If you didn't there would certainly be a problem. You are human and it shows that you truly do care for her.

I agree with Maglor that people seek divorce too quickly these days. It's such an easy out. Trust me when I say I tried to explore every avenue during my endeavor. However, if she's not willing to work with you (as in my case) you have no choice.

Also regardless of what either one of you are feeling guess who is the most important. The kids sir. As a man you have to make them your priority. However, IMO you are not doing children any justice by staying together for their sake. Usually nasty fights break out in front of the child and the vibe is hardly anything good. If it's over it's over. But you BOTH still have to take care of the child as a team.

Yeah I hear ya there, it is damaged.. I know cause I still feel ____ed up from time to time. I don't know.. I feel like I need to catch her doing it again before I could move forward with leaving her. Because right now, all I have is that I think she might be a whore or that she might do this again. I need to be sure! And right now things are pretty good. She comes home. She calls all the time. She's isn't suspicious and we spend a lot of time together. Ifshe wasn't doing all that then I would have left by now. The only thing she's not doing is telling me the details about the affair. And it's a big deal for me to know and I want to know, believe me, I want to know. But I think she will eventually tell me for some reason.

 

[The Chaver]

I'd try to catch them in the act if I were you. Maybe follow her or if you know where he lives, see if she's there and what they're doing.

That's what in plan on doing. If I even suspect it's going on again with him or someone else. I'm done with her.

 

[Kabukiman]

I'd try to catch them in the act if I were you. Maybe follow her or if you know where he lives, see if she's there and what they're doing.

This is kind of the crazy stuff I talked about earlier. If this isn't crazy, it will at the least lead to craziness. It would probably be best to leave this to a PI if you can afford it.

 

[BadMoon]

This is kind of the crazy stuff I talked about earlier. If this isn't crazy, it will at the least lead to craziness. It would probably be best to leave this to a PI if you can afford it.

EXACTLY! That will only lead to trouble.

 

[Darkseed]

Yeah, I know it's always going to be in the back of my mind. Forgive never forget, I'm with you there. Emotional cheating is just the same as screwing the guy in my book. Becasue in both cases she's getting it from someone that she feels she can't get from me.

If you decide to stay you will have to forgive and forget to move forward allowing the relationship to grow. Going forward isn't half a$$ed attempt or it will go nowhere. Crappy spot to be in, your doing all the work, taking all the risks. I guess no risk no reward

 

[The Chaver]

If you decide to stay you will have to forgive and forget to move forward allowing the relationship to grow. Going forward isn't half a$$ed attempt or it will go nowhere. Crappy spot to be in, your doing all the work, taking all the risks. I guess no risk no reward

I suppose I will eventually forget over time.. It has gotten easier over the past five months.

 

[Darkseed]

I suppose I will eventually forget over time.. It has gotten easier over the past for months.

Good luck to ya man, it will be a long, rough road.

 

[DiFabio]

This is kind of the crazy stuff I talked about earlier. If this isn't crazy, it will at the least lead to craziness. It would probably be best to leave this to a PI if you can afford it.

Well I'm not saying he should do anything drastic. You can tell Cleaver is calm and treading carefully. He's doing everything you're supposed to in this situation. If anything he just wants to still be with his wife because he loves her.

All I'm saying is you check and see for yourself. That's what I'd do. If you find out that she's actually messing around you go right back home and take the steps to kick her ass out of the house and gain legal custody over your child and possessions. No games, no fights, no arguing. Done.

Just check and see. If you see that she was lying, don't go crazy, just know that she was wrong and calmly get out of the situation. If nothing is going on, continue to trust her and patch up your relationship.

 

[batfan1991]

Im so srry to here that. Look im only 19 and prob sound like an idiot lol but look you have to forget the past and look foward to your future..... She is definately not trustworthy if i was you i would leave her and have sole custody of ur son.... ITs wat she deserves!!!!!

 

[batfan1991]

This is why IMO you need to seek council. A marriage and any relationships foundation is built on trust. You HAVE lost it. So the marriage most certainly is damaged.

Now of course you still love her. If you didn't there would certainly be a problem. You are human and it shows that you truly do care for her.

I agree with Maglor that people seek divorce too quickly these days. It's such an easy out. Trust me when I say I tried to explore every avenue during my endeavor. However, if she's not willing to work with you (as in my case) you have no choice.

Also regardless of what either one of you are feeling guess who is the most important. The kids sir. As a man you have to make them your priority. However, IMO you are not doing children any justice by staying together for their sake. Usually nasty fights break out in front of the child and the vibe is hardly anything good. If it's over it's over. But you BOTH still have to take care of the child as a team.

I do not agree in divorce!!!!! but when somone cheats on someone else there is no degree of counciling that will allow me to instill my trust in them again A lie is a lie.... And once you cheat once ur bound to cheat again.

 

[karamazov80]

Good luck with all this. Props to you for not shooting the guy.

 

[nemenforcer]

Theres a lot of bad signs coming from her.

If she's defensive and not apologetic thats not good. Also, If she is using guilt against you thats a big warning, they use it to cover up whats really going on. They will let you tear yourself apart emotionally to protect their secret. Be really careful. I went through this before, when I caught her she was incredibly defensive then tried to make things right. I loved her so much I eventually trusted her and assumed everything was back to normal...then, after several months, out of nowhere she left with the same guy. I later found out she was using someone else's phone to call him since she knew I was monitoring the bill.

I work with money for a living, protect you assets and develop seperate accounts if you have significant savings or investments. A very common scenario is one day you are trying to buy lunch and your card declines, when you look into it you find out all your accounts are liquidated. Just be careful right now. They can play nice to put their deck in order and out of nowhere leave.

I do hope you can work it out but dont let yourself get burned. You know now that the innocence is lost and what she is capable of.

 

[BuddyGus]

Dude, Sorry to hear about this. I remember when my mom was cheating on my dad it nearly crushed him. (I am 32 now, just speaking from my childhood). He took her back and tried to make it work but, she just crapped on him again. He raised my brother and me by himself and god bless him for that. For me though it really shook my faith in people. It took me along time to be able to trust anyone and let them get close. I just didnt want to get hurt like I witnessed for my father.

Good luck man, and take care of the kids. This will affect them alot. But, staying together may not be best for them either.

 

[The Chaver]

Theres a lot of bad signs coming from her.

If she's defensive and not apologetic thats not good. Also, If she is using guilt against you thats a big warning, they use it to cover up whats really going on. They will let you tear yourself apart emotionally to protect their secret. Be really careful. I went through this before, when I caught her she was incredibly defensive then tried to make things right. I loved her so much I eventually trusted her and assumed everything was back to normal...then, after several months, out of nowhere she left with the same guy. I later found out she was using someone else's phone to call him since she knew I was monitoring the bill.

I work with money for a living, protect you assets and develop seperate accounts if you have significant savings or investments. A very common scenario is one day you are trying to buy lunch and your card declines, when you look into it you find out all your accounts are liquidated. Just be careful right now. They can play nice to put their deck in order and out of nowhere leave.

I do hope you can work it out but dont let yourself get burned. You know now that the innocence is lost and what she is capable of.

Wow, that changes everything I thought I knew....Do really think she might be up to this? I mean, my wife has her ____ together. If she wanted to leave with this guy she can do it now I would think. What could she be possibly waiting for? Why play nice with me, why have sex with me twice a week? I don't understand this..

 

[Maglor]

...I really can't make her admit to something that she doesn't want to. I tried already and all she did was scream at me and hit her self in the head with her shoe and the remote...

When I hear that I think of three scenarios:

1) She didn't have sex with the guy, but she feels really guilty for the emotional infidelity.

2) She did have sex with him and she's putting on a big show.

3) She's off her nut.



I have a friend who's wife did crazy ____ like that. She ended up cheating and leaving him. I'm fairly certain she has a personality disorder of some kind. Hopefully that's not the case with your wife, and I would like to think that my first scenario is right.

 

[nemenforcer]

Wow, that changes everything I thought I knew....Do really think she might be up to this? I mean, my wife has her ____ together. If she wanted to leave with this guy she can do it now I would think. What could she be possibly waiting for? Why play nice with me, why have sex with me twice a week? I don't understand this..

I wish I knew the answer to that but I dont. Im only speaking from my personal experience. I completely went back to trusting her then bam, all gone. I took the surprise so hard I ended up in the ER with heart issues, missed work for a few days, depressed for some time and it took months to get my head together. I feel your pain. Every situation is different. In mine, the guy and I were completely different people, she just wanted a change I guess and I figured she needed time to sort it out in her head. She knew it wasnt only me but our family, our parents, our friends. She gave up a lot for the thrill of something different. In the end she tried to come back. Funny thing, my long time friend is going through the exact same thing right now and hes trying to decide if he should take her back. She cheated, made up, then poof, she says shes marrying the guy, whose practically a stranger. They are in the middle of a custody battle and now she wants to come back. I just think some girls think the grass greener on the other side and need a little vacation from time to time. For me its a question of is one time enough or is this the kind of person who will need to do this again. I loved her so much I ended up in the hospital but deep down I felt she would do it again because she had the kind of personality that wasnt satisfied, she always looking for something more in most aspects of her life.

Again every situation is different but I thought I should share my experience. You know her better than anyone else.

 

[The Chaver]

When I hear that I think of three scenarios:

1) She didn't have sex with the guy, but she feels really guilty for the emotional infidelity.

2) She did have sex with him and she's putting on a big show.

3) She's off her nut.



I have a friend who's wife did crazy ____ like that. She ended up cheating and leaving him. I'm fairly certain she has a personality disorder of some kind. Hopefully that's not the case with your wife, and I would like to think that my first scenario is right.

Yeah I haven't gotten into that yet, but yeah I knew something was wrong with her when we first started dating. I even tried to break it off then because she was just really weird. She would act one way in front of me and another way in front of her friends and then another way infront of her enemies. She would become a completely different person when she was mad at you, the yelling and screaming and profanities. I mean, I have her friends come up to me and tell me how nice she is and what a great person she is. These people obviously don't know my wife..? All the men she works with thinks she's innocent. She even gave that impression when I first met her and for the 8 years after. She's really weird.. She always complains about the music I listen to. I listen to some stuff like Depeche Mode, techno and industrial. She absolutely hates it when I play my music. I never hate on her music!

Like today I found a new song that I liked and she hated on me about it. She said that it sounded like crap and she couldn't beleive I liked it. This is the same person that was going out with this guy who liked Just Bieber?? And my wife listens to Death Metal. WTF? If I burp or fart it's gross but if she does it it's not a big deal. She doesn't like me to wear earrings but the guy she was seeing, she told me, wears earrings.

I think you right, she does have a personality disorder.

 

[The Chaver]

I loved her so much I ended up in the hospital but deep down I felt she would do it again because she had the kind of personality that wasnt satisfied, she always looking for something more in most aspects of her life.

Yep that's my wife to a T She's never satisfied with what she's got. She always wants more. This is true with her job, her money, her appearence, my family.

Wow, maybe I'm just in denial...