A SW Fan Fic by the Dude Person: The Story of Kyrr Geron the Mandalorian

[bidufarewell]

Re: A Sample of a SW Fan Fic by the Dude Person (PLEASE READ THIS! AND COMMENT!)

Dude, been away for a couple of weeks, looking forward to reading your stuff and seeing your new headsculpt.

 

[the dude person]

Re: A Sample of a SW Fan Fic by the Dude Person (PLEASE READ THIS! AND COMMENT!)

Dude, been away for a couple of weeks, looking forward to reading your stuff and seeing your new headsculpt.

Thanks! Yeah I sorta checked your stats on your profile page to see when the last time you posted was a while ago, it had been like a week since your last post so I figured that you must have gone somewhere...

not that I'm some sort of nosy stalker-person...

 

[the dude person]

Re: A Sample of a SW Fan Fic by the Dude Person (PLEASE READ THIS! AND COMMENT!)

Ok, so I did not give up on this, I'm still trying to keep on writing.

Of course, you kinda get discouraged after about 7 complete rewrites of the same chapter. I'd read through each one and just feel like it was completely ridiculous. This version of the chapter shouldn't be quite as bad.


I don't even know if there's anyone left to read this, but I thought I'd continue posting chapters as I finish them.

Anyway, it's very short, and very, very late, but here it is, finally, Chapter 4.


Chapter 4: The Crash


____Osik! C’mon, c’mon, don’t give out on me now!

____Red warning lights flashed on Kyrr’s face in the relative darkness created by the tinted viewports. The dashboard readout indicated that his fuel tank was completely empty.

____Just a little farther…

____He almost thought he could make it to the spaceport. Then he winced as everything suddenly became eerily quiet. The engine had finally given out.

____The forward momentum continued to carry the craft through the air, although now it was nearly impossible for Kyrr to even steer it, much less land it. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes momentarily.

____Just stay calm.

____He opened his eyes again and glanced at his altimeter.

____And think fast.

____He could see the spaceport a few miles away now. Huge cargo ships were landing everywhere, and there were constantly other ships taking off and flying high into Coruscant’s atmosphere, and then into space. Some were imposing gargantuan craft that slowly lifted off the ground. Smaller craft swarmed around the spaceport like insects.

____A quiet, high-pitched electronic pinging sound from the nav computer indicated that the vehicle was now flying too slowly to be in his current skylane. Several drivers swerved around him, horns blaring. He was starting to sink below his lane; in addition to his smoking hull, he now stood out from the crowd even more.

____How the stang did they find me again so quickly?

____The gunship from before was back, and was rapidly approaching.

____At least they can’t shoot me down in the middle of a skylane, the Republic wouldn’t want any civilian casualties.

____The gunship was now traveling parallel to Kyrr’s speeder, troop bay doors still open. One of the troopers in the bay seemed to be nodding at his forearm plate. Then there was a blaring alarm coming from outside, and a few seconds later several Coruscant Security Force speeders raced past Kyrr in the opposite direction. They effectively cut off all traffic, first in the lane he was in, and then in the rest of the nearby lanes. His skylane was thinning out pretty quickly as the all other airspeeder’s nav computers automatically redirected them. The gunship swerved in closer to him to avoid a building, and Kyrr took advantage of the opportunity.

____He put his helmet on and popped the hatch. It ripped off and flew past him as he jumped out of the cockpit with his weapons strapped to his back.

____He was just barely able to land his upper body in the gunship’s troop bay, with his legs still dangling over the side. He deployed the saw-like blades in both of his gauntlets and started to use them to pull himself forward on his stomach. The five clones in the gunship all pulled their triggers just as the gunship swerved again, knocking them off balance and ruining their aim, sending blaster bolts flying in all directions. Kyrr grabbed the ankle of the closest trooper and dragged him clear over the edge, then finally got his legs up and stood up. One of the other clone troopers shot at him again, but missed. The trooper tried to hit him with his rifle, but Kyrr grabbed it and he met the same fate as his brother. Then a quick blow to the neck with his gauntlet blade dispatched the next trooper, and the last two, caught while still struggling to their feet in the rocking gunship, were easily shoved into the urban abyss below. Kyrr opened the door to the pilot’s compartment.

____“What’s the problem, I thought I heard –“

____The pilot’s words were cut off when Kyrr severed his spinal chord. He shoved the body aside, trying to figure out how to fly a Low Altitude Assault Transport. He found the steering yoke, and tried to redirect the ship towards the spaceport. He found a nice open space between two rows of medium sized cargo vessels, and decided he’d try to make an emergency landing there. He yanked back on the throttle, but not in time before he was only inches off the ground.

____Brace for impact…

____There was a jarring metallic crunch as the gunship skidded across the permacrete, with civilians and loading droids leaping out of the way in front of him. Sparks flew everywhere, and after a few seconds the gunship started to tip over on its side, seriously mangling the right wing.

____When the ship finally screeched to a halt, Kyrr wriggled out of the pilot’s seat and back into the troop bay. He crawled out of the sideways wreckage, around which a few gathering onlookers stared in disbelief. He shook himself, and sprinted up the loading ramp of the nearest starship he could see. He ran right into a woman with light brown hair, dark green eyes, and a blaster on her hip.

<- PREVIOUS CHAPTER

NEXT CHAPTER ->

 

[bidufarewell]

Well done DP, keep in going! Just read chapter 4, looking forward to going back and reading all four chapters again and seeing how they flow. u should be very proud of what you're doing, keep up the good work!

 

[the dude person]

Well done DP, keep in going! Just read chapter 4, looking forward to going back and reading all four chapters again and seeing how they flow. u should be very proud of what you're doing, keep up the good work!

Thanks Bid!

I'm going to try to get Chapter 5 out pretty soon too. It might happen today, even, but most likely tomorrow or the next day.

I'm glad I finally got un-stumped about how to move the story forward! The first couple of times I wrote Chapter 4, Kyrr ends up crashing his speeder on purpose, getting seriously hurt, and essentially knocking on the door of some random building, where there just happens to be a doctor, who gives him medical treatment for his injuries. I realized how silly that was, and completely rewrote the chapter several times. Once I even had Kyrr pull an 'Anakin Skywalker' and jump off his speeder onto someone else's, to steal it and fly to the spaceport. Of course, that sounds ridiculous as well, because getting hit with a moving speeder with almost nothing to grab on to couldn't possibly end well for a non-force sensitive character. But I figured jumping onto an open gunship platform made a lot more sense, and was finally the right way to go.

If I had gotten it right the first time, I could have written to at least chapter 8 or so by now!

this is getting so long now, I think I'm going to go and add links to the different chapters to make it easier to navigate.

 

[the dude person]

Well, I added links so that it's easier to get from one chapter to another. Should be useful, some chapters are several pages apart in this thread.

 

[the dude person]

Ok, so Chapter 5 is just about done.... I'll probably have it posted within the next 18 hours.

 

[Agent0028]

Sounds good, keep up the good work!

 

[the dude person]

Sounds good, keep up the good work!

Thanks! I was hoping you'd show up again.

Should have Chapter 5 out in a couple of minutes... (I said in the next 18 hours... but it only took 17 )

 

[the dude person]

Chapter 5: A Pilot with a Ship

____The woman’s dark green eyes looked first into Kyrr Geron’s t-shaped visor, then darted to the array of weapons he was carrying as she drew her blaster and tried to take aim. As she moved backward, blaster raised, she tripped over a cargo case and Kyrr kicked the blaster from her hand. She rolled over and tried to dive toward it, but Kyrr had already drawn his own sidearm. He fired once, and the shot narrowly grazed her outstretched arm, singing the black fabric of her sleeve and burning her skin. She winced and pulled her arm back.

____“Don’t move,” he said, as he approached her, pistol trained on her. She had a look of terror on her face, but she didn’t scream, nor did she try to escape. He aimed for her head. His finger tightened a little on the trigger, but he hesitated.

____“Are you going to kill me?” she asked softly. Kyrr took another step closer.

____No, no, you can’t do this. Not this time. Don’t shoot her.

____“Who are you?” he asked.

____“What?”

____He repeated himself: “I said who are you? Is this your starship?”

____“Not exactly – I’m just the pilot… Does this have anything to do with my father? He doesn’t care about me anymore… He’d never pay a ransom.”

____“Well –”

____“Listen, I don’t even know where he is anymore, he hasn’t contacted me since –”

____“Enough! Can you fly this thing or not?”

____“Yes.”

____“Good. Close the cargo bay doors.”

____She stood up, clutching her injured arm, and walked over to a control panel next to the opening through which Kyrr had entered the ship. She pressed a few buttons with her good hand, and the 10-foot wide loading ramp moved upwards until it clunked into position. For a split second, it was dark, then lights came on inside the cargo bay. The bay was only about 15 feet wide by 20 feet deep, and about 15 feet tall. It was definitely only a small cargo vessel, similar in size to several passenger ship models Kyrr had seen before.

____The woman turned back to Kyrr.

____“What do you want from me? You weren’t sent by…” she trailed off, with a confused expression on her face.

____“I need to get off this planet, and you’re a pilot with a ship. It’s self explanatory.”

____“Ok,” she replied.

____‘Ok?’ That’s it? No struggle, no call for help?

____She walked past him and stopped at the doorway into the rest of the ship.

____“Cockpit’s this way.”

____Kyrr followed her, blaster pistol still out and ready in case she tried anything with him. For some reason he felt uneasy about her sudden compliance.

____She sat down in one of the two pilot’s chairs in the relatively small cockpit. Kyrr stood awkwardly for a moment, then took the seat beside hers. She reached toward the comm button, and Kyrr grabbed her arm. It was the arm that had been singed by Kyrr’s blaster bolt. She winced.

____She turned to him and said, “It’s ok! I just need to get a flight clearance from the control tower!”

____He quickly let go of her arm as he saw tears well up in her eyes.

____“No time for that, we need to leave right now,” he told her.

____She took a deep breath, wiped the tears from her eyes, and composed herself again.

____“But I still need to run the pre-flight checks, or else –“

____“I said now! Didn’t you see what happened out there? I’m being tailed by CSF and a bunch of clones, so if you value your life you will take off immediately!”

____The woman looked startled. Then she turned around and started the ship’s power up sequence, quickly adjusting numerous switches and controls. Then a voice came in over the comm system.

____“Attention: All flights from Section 138 are temporarily grounded –“

____CSF sirens could be heard from outside. They were catching up with Kyrr. The voice continued.

____“- due to an incident in the area. Coruscant Security Force officials will be –“

____“Osik, get this thing off the ground!”

____“- dispatched to resolve the problem –“

____“I’m trying!”

____The sirens were getting closer.

____“- as soon as possible. We apologize for the -”

____The engines started to whir. A drop of sweat ran down the woman’s face.

____“- inconvenience. Please remain calm.”

____She turned around momentarily.

____“Where?”

____“Anywhere, just go!”

____There was a new transmission coming from the comm system. This time the voice was shouting.

____“By order of the Coruscant Security Force, open your cargo bay immediately!”

____The ship lifted off the ground. The woman yanked back on the steering yoke, tilting the ship upwards. It raced through the greyish clouds of Coruscant’s polluted atmosphere with several CSF patrol speeders in pursuit.

____“Fierfek, another one?”

____Kyrr had noticed that another LAAT/i gunship had joined the chase. The CSF speeders were falling behind, but the gunship was starting to gain on them. Unlike the speeders, the gunship could actually follow them into space.

____The CSF officer made a last desperate transmission. “Halt! Or face charges of –“

____Kyrr switched the comm unit off. They cleared the atmosphere entirely, and the woman started flipping switches. The LAAT/i fired a spray of green plasma, shaking the ship. Then the woman flipped another switch. A deep humming started that got louder and higher until there was a tremendous snap.

____They had made the jump to hyperspace.

<- PREVIOUS CHAPTER

 

[the dude person]

Any thoughts/comments on Chapter 5? (bottom of the last page)

I'm going to need to take a couple of days to fit everything together before I can write chapter 6 - there's just some plot details I need to fill in...

 

[the dude person]

Well now I just feel silly - I've almost finished Chapter 6, and as far as I can tell, no one's even read Chapter 5 yet!

Oh well I suppose it's good to have it lined up for later.

 

[sithlord13]

Hi been following nut havent had time to write a decent review for you
On the last chapter one
Thing that leaps to mind is there appears to be a gap between lift off and the jump to hyperspace
It's pretty much established that you can't just jump in a ship turn the key and jump - this ain't star trek
Just knocks the while chapter out

Lookin forward to part 6. !!

 

[the dude person]

Hi been following nut havent had time to write a decent review for you
On the last chapter one
Thing that leaps to mind is there appears to be a gap between lift off and the jump to hyperspace
It's pretty much established that you can't just jump in a ship turn the key and jump - this ain't star trek
Just knocks the while chapter out

Lookin forward to part 6. !!

Yes, I agree. I realized that a day or two after I posted it. I've been trying to think of ways I could fill that in better, I'll have to go back and edit it later.

Thanks for your feedback!

I think Chapter 6 may have to wait until tomorrow, I read through it and there's just something that doesn't seem right... I'll have to try to fix it, it might even need a rewrite....

 

[the dude person]

Ok then, so I've continued working on trying to get Chapter 6 to flow better, but it's still not ready yet.

I also edited Chapter 5 a little bit to close the aforementioned gap.

Is that better sithlord?

 

[sithlord13]

Much,
It reads much more smoothly but I'm Being picky the hyperspace journey is also too quick
It might be better to end the chapter at the jump
That gives you a chapter in hyperspace to effect or character build
I guess you're trying to preserve the female as a mystery so this would be counter productive for you
Maybe lock someone away to tend to wounds or something?
Hope that helps but doesn't put you off!

 

[the dude person]

Much,
It reads much more smoothly but I'm Being picky the hyperspace journey is also too quick
It might be better to end the chapter at the jump
That gives you a chapter in hyperspace to effect or character build
I guess you're trying to preserve the female as a mystery so this would be counter productive for you
Maybe lock someone away to tend to wounds or something?
Hope that helps but doesn't put you off!

Also good advice, but I did realize that going from the center to the edge if the galaxy should take a little while even in hyperspace. I explain why it went so fast in Chapter 6, but now that you mention it perhaps I still should make it take longer.

EDIT: Yes, I did decide to make Chapter 5 end after the jump to hyperspace. I looked into hyperspace travel a bit more, and realized how it should definitely take much, much longer. I'll have to figure something out to pass the time in hyperspace during chapter 6.

Speaking of Chapter 6, it will definitely not be out tonight, due to my sleeping for most of the day.

With any luck, I'll have it finished by sometime tomorrow night.

 

[sithlord13]

Look forward to it chap

 

[the dude person]

Argh!

I know I said I'd post Chapter 6 two days ago... but since then I've almost completely rewritten it from scratch, and I'm still trying to get everything to fit.

Chapter 6 has got to be one of the most challenging chapters I've tried to write so far. It's hard to advance the story in the direction I want while keeping the interaction between Kyrr and the woman realistic and logical at the same time...

But I'm figuring it out. So hopefully I'll get it up here in the next day or two...

 

[the dude person]

Only a week after I wanted to post this... but here it is (finally! )

"Chapter 6: The Whopper."

Not really, I just call it that because it's one of the longest chapters yet (and it definitely took the longest to actually write!)

Anyway, after a lot of struggling, rewriting, editing, nitpicking, and mental breakdowns, here it is! Enjoy!



Chapter 6: A Business Proposition


____White and black streaked by in a shower of stars outside the viewport. It was silent in the cockpit except for the faint sound of labored breathing, and a barely audible, deep humming from the engines.

____I can’t believe it, Kyrr thought, she did it… We made it.

____Neither Kyrr nor the woman spoke for what seemed like an eternity. They simply sat there, quietly adjusting to the fact they had actually escaped alive. Both of them were still a little shaken by the ordeal. After a while, the woman made a few adjustments to the control panel. Kyrr noticed her absent-mindedly move her left hand to the burn on her right arm as she sat back and stared blankly at the nav computer’s screen. Kyrr started to speak.

____“I just wanted to say -”

____The woman slowly straightened up, then swiveled her chair toward Kyrr with a look of curiosity on her face. He stopped abruptly and cleared his throat. He paused before continuing.

____“I just wanted to… know if there was a medical station onboard.”

____“Oh,” she replied. “Well, there is a med kit… It’s in a storage compartment. On the wall in the hallway, just past the cockpit door.”

____Kyrr stood up and walked just out of the cockpit area, and sure enough, there was a grey rectangular durasteel door, about two feet by one and a half feet, halfway up the curved wall. There was a small handle on the right side of it. He opened the recessed compartment and found a heavy metallic case inside. He took it back to the cockpit with him, carrying it in one hand while the other rested on his holstered blaster. When the door into the cockpit opened again, he looked inside and was relieved to see the woman was still in the same position at the controls as when he left. He sat down again cautiously, half expecting her to pull out some hidden weapon she had retrieved while he was getting the medical supplies. When he was satisfied that she wasn’t going to, he set the case down next to his seat.

____He opened it and found a variety of basic medical supplies. He went right for the painkillers.

____Landing that gunship really did a number on me… if you can call that a ‘landing.’

____He probably had at least minor bruising over most of his body, from the fight in the alleyway the night before, the explosive blast of a clone trooper’s thermal detonator that morning, and finally the crash less than two hours ago. Even with the armor, he wasn’t indestructible. He was really starting to feel it now that the adrenaline in his system was subsiding.

____He slowly removed his helmet, tucking it under one arm. The woman, glancing over, almost seemed surprised to see that there was actually a human being inside. The white plastoid jar of painkiller tablets rattled noisily as Kyrr shook a few of them out into his other hand. He tossed his head back, and popped them into his mouth. He almost felt better already.

____Setting the bottle down, he rifled through the other contents of the medical case, and found a few pre-loaded bacta injections. He handed one to the woman.

____“Here.”

____She slowly took it from him, looking a little surprised.

____She said nothing as removed the protective cap from the needle and rolled back her tattered right sleeve.

____The burn on the underside of her right forearm had a dark reddish area in the middle of it, maybe three inches around. The skin surrounding the actual burn had a deep pink coloration that faded away at the edges. She had been lucky that Kyrr’s shot had only grazed her, and that the relatively thick fabric of her jacket had protected her somewhat from the full heat of the searing projectile.

____Kyrr watched her as she stabbed the needle into area around the wound and injected the blue healing liquid into her flesh. Looking at her closely for the first time, he began to observe other details about her appearance and clothing.

____The black jacket she was wearing had an almost cylindrical collar, and was open down the front, revealing a dark green tanktop underneath. She wore a black leather belt with a tarnished and scratched silver buckle, with the holster for her relatively small pistol attached to the right side of it. Her pants were a dark grey and had a pocket on each thigh, and her dull brown leather boots looked worn and distressed.

____She had been gritting her teeth, and as she withdrew the empty syringe from her arm, she cried out. Kyrr silently held out the bottle of pain pills to her.

____She smiled faintly, and pushed them back at Kyrr as she said, “No, thank you.”

____She handed him back the depleted bacta injection, and he put it back into the case of medical supplies along with the painkillers. He stood up after closing the container, and started to walk away to put it back in the storage compartment. When he got to the doorway, he heard the woman speak.

____“Why do you care?”

____He turned around, still holding the medical case in his arms.

____“What do you mean?”

____“I mean… why does it matter to you if I’m hurt?”

____Kyrr sighed, taking a moment to think. He looked away as he answered her. “Because… you might still be useful to me.”

____With that he walked away and put the med kit back in its cabinet. As he was closing it, he noticed his reflection in the metal of the compartment’s door. It stared back at him, but it was blurry and grey, muffled by the imperfections and scratches in the metal’s surface. He could barely recognize himself.

____He went back to cockpit, and as he sat down again, a red light started to flash on the control panel. The woman throttled back and the streaks outside resolved themselves into a vast starfield. Kyrr looked out the window at the planet they were now slowly approaching.

____“Where are we?” he asked.

____The woman had a sullen look on her face as she replied.

____“Tatooine.”

____Kyrr noted the woman’s worried expression as she said the planet’s
name out loud. At the same time, he was relieved to hear he ended up so far away from Coruscant and the Republic itself.

____“Good. Maybe I did the right thing, not killing you earlier.”

____She turned to him. She looked at him briefly, then turned away and looked out the viewport as if something intimidating were looming just outside the ship. Kyrr realized she must have been looking at the planet Tatooine itself. A quiet moment went by, then she spoke.

____“Perhaps it would’ve been better if you had. I may be as good as dead now anyway.”

____“I’m not sure I understand.”

____She didn’t look at Kyrr, but kept her gaze fixed on the planet in the distance as she elaborated. “I work for a crimelord on Tatooine. I was supposed to deliver a large shipment of Ryll spice to one of his contacts on Coruscant. I was unloading my cargo when you showed up, and now most of it is still back at the spaceport. My boss could have me killed for losing that much… showing up on Tatooine again is a very dangerous thing to do.”

____“Why did you come here then? Why not go to some other sytem?”

____“Because, I left the spaceport on Coruscant without a flight clearance… not to mention all the Ryll spice I left behind that the CSF will find... Besides, you’re obviously wanted by the Republic, and for all they know I could be helping you willingly. There’s no way I could show up on a Republic world and not get arrested the second they pick up on my ship’s transponder code.”

____“That’s not necessarily true. I’m sure the Republic doesn’t have the resources to keep track of you and me across multiple planets. The Republic is in the middle of a war, you know…”

____“If they don’t have the resources, why did they send clones after you? Law enforcement is the Coruscant Security Force’s job. I don’t know what you did exactly, but whatever they’re sending soldiers after you for must have been serious enough to get their attention.”

____Kyrr realized that she might be right. He was simply a bounty hunter, he had killed a lot of people over the years – mostly the scum of the underlevels – but that shouldn’t have been enough to warrant special treatment from the Republic when it was in this sort of galactic crisis. He didn’t understand why he seemed to be so important to them. Whatever the case, a Republic-controlled planet probably wouldn’t be a safe place to be, for either of them. The woman continued speaking.

____“At this point, it doesn’t matter anyway. Now we’re stuck here.”

____“What?”

____“I didn’t run the pre-flight checks. Not to mention we got hit before we made it to hyperspace. I’m not sure what happened exactly… It’s amazing the ship made it to its destination without dropping out of hyperspace, but the hyperdrive won’t work anymore… It’s fried. It was my boss’ 3 million credit, class 2 hyperdrive engine, and it’s completely fried.”

____Kyrr then realized why traveling from the center of the galaxy to the outer-rim had taken so little time; a class 2 hyperdrive was probably the fastest he’d ever heard of.

____“So now the only option is to land on Tatooine?” he asked.

____“Yeah. I’m going to need a new ship, if you still aren’t planning on killing me. Either way, this ship won’t get anywhere in a hundred years using only sublight engines. And it can be too easily identified by the transponder code anyway… I have to get rid of it. I only hope my boss doesn’t figure out that I trashed one of his best ships and that I lost most of his Ryll spice…”

____“Do you have enough money for a new starship?”

____“Well…No.”

____“What about just a new hyperdrive?”

____“I have 20 creds, that’s it. This job was supposed to be my source of income.”

____Kyrr took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. Then he had an idea.

____“You could get some money for selling this ship, but then even if you bought a hyperdrive it would be useless without a new ship to put it in. I’m flat out broke at the moment, and I’m going to need a new ride too. So I say you sell not only this ship, but the Ryll spice you have left in the cargo hold. Selling it would very likely get you noticed by your boss if word gets around… which is where I come in. I’ll agree to protect you from any of your boss’s potential hit-men, in return for part of the money you make selling the spice. And also passage on the ship you buy... I’ve realized that there’s somewhere else I need to go.”

____The woman hesitated for a second, thinking about Kyrr’s offer.

____“Why do you need me to sell the Ryll spice?” she asked.

____“You’d know who to sell it to, to make the most money. I’m sure you know your way around Tatooine better than me.”

____“Yeah, I suppose I do... I have a few people in mind who might be interested,” she said thoughtfully. “Well… it’s a deal then. It’s probably my best bet at staying alive, anyway… So you’re going to be my bodyguard now? What did you do before?”

____“I was a bounty hunter. Not so much recently, though. And just to be polite, my name’s Kyrr Geron by the way.”

____The tan sphere of Tatooine was much closer than before. Soon the ship would be in the outermost layer of its atmosphere. The woman made the necessary adjustments to the instrument panel, smiling weakly. “You know, this has probably been the craziest day of my entire life. First you show up and essentially kidnap me, even shoot me once, and now all of a sudden you want to be my bodyguard… I never did trust bounty hunters.”

____She looked at him directly in the eyes for the first time.

____“Anyway, my name’s Aleina. Aleina Kaede.”





That was the most difficult chapter I've written so far. Doesn't seem too bad does it?

I'm hoping to see some comments from bid, sithlord13, and perhaps even agent0028.

What do you guys think?