Well. I just got fired.

[Hydeous]

Maybe create a group chat so otomo have a place to share and talk?

 

[Otomofan]

I understand you guys have all said I need to talk to a professional.

I probably could have, when I had a job in Japan, and had insurance.

Here, I have no job and no insurance. That's the beauty of the good ol' US of A....they'd rather let you die than help you if you don't have money. No job? No money? Oh well....go die in a ditch somewhere...we're better off without you. I get the message, loud and clear.

But maybe they're right. I don't really have any value. I don't provide any goods or services. I don't create anything. All I do is sleep on the floor in my elderly parents' condo and eat their food.

If I were a young man, I think someone or even myself might see the potential in me and give me another chance, but at 45 years old, I'm far past my expiration date.

I see now why so many men my age just give up and kill themselves. The outlook is ******* bleak. There is NOTHING....NOTHING waiting for me. Just death.

I know a lot of you are around my age. A lot of you are married, with kids.

I will never be a father. I'll never know what kind of incredible joy it must be to raise a child. I will never experience that.

I will never have a wife. Married guys joke about how they wish they ere single, but we all know that's a lie. I'm sitting here on the floor, 2AM, completely ******* alone. What it must feel like to be lying in a bed, next to someone that loves me. I can't even imagine how wonderful that must feel like. It must be better than any drug.

Everything is bull ****. All these stupid little plastic men. All these stupid comic books. I wasted my entire life on bull ****.

I'm so alone. I can't stand this ******* pain anymore.

 

[Lejuan]

Have you tried volunteering? It can be enormously uplifting and good for your mental health. 45 is not too old for anything except maybe professional sport.

 

[BACON!]

It is heartbreaking to read your comments, Otomofan. I very much identify with them, as I will close my business that I owned and operated for 15 years at the end of this month, and many of those same sentiments came up for me.

Trust me in this: you are not alone, and you are loved in this world. You have IMMENSE value! We all need some time for cycles to complete and orbits to be optimized, but your live WILL come back to how you want it if you are consistent with your intentions. It doesn't come down to luck, it comes down to intention.

​

 

[Darth Snoopy]

I understand you guys have all said I need to talk to a professional.

I probably could have, when I had a job in Japan, and had insurance.

Here, I have no job and no insurance. That's the beauty of the good ol' US of A....they'd rather let you die than help you if you don't have money. No job? No money? Oh well....go die in a ditch somewhere...we're better off without you. I get the message, loud and clear.

You have options; Health Care Coverage Options for Unemployed.

But maybe they're right. I don't really have any value. I don't provide any goods or services. I don't create anything. All I do is sleep on the floor in my elderly parents' condo and eat their food.

If I were a young man, I think someone or even myself might see the potential in me and give me another chance, but at 45 years old, I'm far past my expiration date.

You're far from any kind of "expiration date". You just need to pick yourself off the floor and make **** happen. Ain't nobody gonna make things better in your life except you. Having said that, there will be people there to help you along the way.

I see now why so many men my age just give up and kill themselves. The outlook is ******* bleak. There is NOTHING....NOTHING waiting for me. Just death.

I understand that things in your life didn't go the way you thought they would but I have news for you; Nobody's life goes the way they thought it would. But just because it didn't go the way you planned doesn't mean you can't change course and make something else good happen.

I know a lot of you are around my age. A lot of you are married, with kids.

I will never be a father. I'll never know what kind of incredible joy it must be to raise a child. I will never experience that.

I will never have a wife. Married guys joke about how they wish they ere single, but we all know that's a lie. I'm sitting here on the floor, 2AM, completely ******* alone. What it must feel like to be lying in a bed, next to someone that loves me. I can't even imagine how wonderful that must feel like. It must be better than any drug.

Being married and having children isn't a bed of roses. They both come with their own set of problems that one has to deal with.

Everything is bull ****. All these stupid little plastic men. All these stupid comic books. I wasted my entire life on bull ****.

If these "stupid" little plastic men and comic books make you happy then they aren't all that bad.

I'm so alone. I can't stand this ******* pain anymore.

You really should consider volunteering as Lejuan suggested. You're not alone and there will be others who identify with what you're going through. You just need to seek them out.

 

[Masao]

When I was 45; I had skills, but no job. I had just lost a job and my last parent. I had to work and perform hospice duties. My company had just lost a lucrative government contract when my parent died and I had just enough money to move and find a place to live before the money ran out.

My previous profession had no use for me. Everything had gone digital and there was no need for a practical prototype sculptor.

More than a decade later, I have lost lots of friends and family and changed jobs. I'm about to change jobs yet again.

Life kicks you in the groin. That doesn't mean the fight is over. Pick yourself up. Find a job that pays a bonus. They exist. Even as a burger flipper, you can start again. Sometimes, even with benefits.

Look at your options. If you are willing and able to work, jobs are out there. Figuring out what your life is about is up to you, but if you want to succeed, you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and think tactically. This is where you are: What do you have to work with and what do you need? Form a plan. Follow your plan. Determine what your conditions of victory are.

If/when you fail, develop a new plan...Repeat until successful.

A wise man once wrote: "when a problem comes along, you must whip it. Whip it good! " ; ) A sense of humor helps too.

 

[MeatHookGekko]

I'm so alone. I can't stand this ******* pain anymore.

Something I've learned over time is not to try to judge someone else's pain. No one knows what you are going through obviously. But it's pretty clear this community does wish you well.

My best unsolicited advice is to exercise. It helps everything. Will help your mood, your depression, your anxiety, your fear, your sleep, your health, etc, etc.

Block out a time to exercise every day. And if you have time, which it appears that's the case right now, then exercise all day if you have to do it to put yourself in a healthier place. You don't even need a gym membership, you could find lots of videos on YouTube on home exercise routines with little to no equipment.

Also I know a lot of people who got a life course correction from joining martial arts. It gave them training, discipline, new friends, new community, new opportunities, etc, etc.

I wish you the best of luck. I really do. But I can honestly say exercise, weight lifting, martial arts, just getting up and getting outside and keep moving, all that is good for you and will put you in a better place to make better decisions for your future.

Merry Xmas.

 

[glitch1044]

Ain't nobody gonna make things better in your life except you.

That right there is something I had to learn the hard way when I first got into my mid 30's.
@Otomofan You say you're out of shape? Then I would start there - get back in shape. Sure it's painful and sucks ass at first. But you'd be surprised how much it can help both mentally and physically.
As for jobs, have you looked into machinery work? Maybe contact a logging company? Often times experience isn't even required for jobs like that (oddly enough). And they're really high paying as well.
What @MeatHookGekko said above is also some great advice. Always keep moving man!
And also, do you believe in God? If not, maybe try searching Him out? (no I'm not joking) You might be surprised at the peace it can give you.

 

[ZE_501]

I understand you guys have all said I need to talk to a professional.

I probably could have, when I had a job in Japan, and had insurance.

Failing that, what @MeatHookGekko said about working out and martial arts is all true. It's not a magic bullet (there are no magic bullets in life) but you will change on a chemical level from regular exercise. It's hard and it can suck and at first it can be triggering (embarrassment, self-consciousness, difficulty etc.) but literally all that's required is that you show up and do it, and one day ... things are different. It happens almost imperceptibly but it happens.

But maybe they're right. I don't really have any value. I don't provide any goods or services. I don't create anything. All I do is sleep on the floor in my elderly parents' condo and eat their food.

You're an animal, dude. An animal requires no reason to exist, doesn't provide goods or services, creates nothing. It just is and that's all you need to be. Everything else is a load of crap.

If I were a young man, I think someone or even myself might see the potential in me and give me another chance, but at 45 years old, I'm far past my expiration date.

Wrong.

You get to live the rest of your life better. You get to do it over with regret as a teacher and wisdom the result. 45 is not expired or old. I'm 49 and truly believe I'm starting a second and wiser life.

I see now why so many men my age just give up and kill themselves. The outlook is ******* bleak. There is NOTHING....NOTHING waiting for me. Just death.

Wrong again. You don't know what's waiting for you. Many decisions to make, many unexpected opportunities to come from those decisions. Death comes for us all, so what? All kinds of living to do until then, even if it's a fight.

I know a lot of you are around my age. A lot of you are married, with kids.

I will never be a father. I'll never know what kind of incredible joy it must be to raise a child. I will never experience that.

I know people who regretted having kids. I know people who don't want kids. I sure as hell don't. It's not the be-all and end-all for everyone that you may imagine it to be.

I will never have a wife.

You don't know that.

Married guys joke about how they wish they ere single, but we all know that's a lie.

LOL ... not always.

I'm sitting here on the floor, 2AM, completely ******* alone. What it must feel like to be lying in a bed, next to someone that loves me. I can't even imagine how wonderful that must feel like. It must be better than any drug.

Being alone can be freaking awesome. It's freedom. Being with someone can be freaking awesome too, but I keep telling you --- you don't know what life has in store. You only know what you fear. The future isn't promised to anyone, good or bad.

Everything is bull ****.

Nope. It's not.

All these stupid little plastic men. All these stupid comic books. I wasted my entire life on bull ****.

Maybe you did, maybe you didn't. I don't presume to know. But you have a whole lot of life to find other things to pour your attention and energy into.

I'm so alone. I can't stand this ******* pain anymore.

Things can change.

I'm an atheist. I'm not going to tell you to find god because I don't believe in that. But I might recommend reading what you can about Tibetan Buddhism. It's a non-theistic belief system. Even if you don't want to engage with the more esoteric aspects (reincarnation for instance) it's a pragmatic and empirical set of beliefs that has produced (over the course of 4000 years) one of the best descriptions of human psychology I've ever seen. Authors to look up:

Thich Nhat Hanh (The Art of Power ... Understanding Our Mind)
Sogyal Rinpoche (The Tibetan Book of Living & Dying)
Pema Chodron (No Time to Lose ... When Things Fall Apart)
The Dalai Lama (The Four Noble Truths)
Matthieu Ricard (The Quantum and the Lotus)

Ricard is particularly interesting given he was a western molecular geneticist before becoming a monk. Thich Nhat Hanh and Pema Chodron are probably the most accessible authors after him.

 

[JMT1979]

I understand you guys have all said I need to talk to a professional.

I probably could have, when I had a job in Japan, and had insurance.

Here, I have no job and no insurance. That's the beauty of the good ol' US of A....they'd rather let you die than help you if you don't have money. No job? No money? Oh well....go die in a ditch somewhere...we're better off without you. I get the message, loud and clear.

But maybe they're right. I don't really have any value. I don't provide any goods or services. I don't create anything. All I do is sleep on the floor in my elderly parents' condo and eat their food.

If I were a young man, I think someone or even myself might see the potential in me and give me another chance, but at 45 years old, I'm far past my expiration date.

I see now why so many men my age just give up and kill themselves. The outlook is ******* bleak. There is NOTHING....NOTHING waiting for me. Just death.

I know a lot of you are around my age. A lot of you are married, with kids.

I will never be a father. I'll never know what kind of incredible joy it must be to raise a child. I will never experience that.

I will never have a wife. Married guys joke about how they wish they ere single, but we all know that's a lie. I'm sitting here on the floor, 2AM, completely ******* alone. What it must feel like to be lying in a bed, next to someone that loves me. I can't even imagine how wonderful that must feel like. It must be better than any drug.

Everything is bull ****. All these stupid little plastic men. All these stupid comic books. I wasted my entire life on bull ****.

I'm so alone. I can't stand this ******* pain anymore.

Everything everyone else has said about exercise is true. At 43, I'm in better shape than I was at 23. At 33, having gradually put on weight until a work colleague called me 'portly' (I wasn't, but I was on the way).

I made it my new year's resolution at the start of 2014 to build discipline in my life. It started off with making my bed and going to the gym once a week. Slowly I started to add extra commitments to my regular life. I was never hardcore into the gym, and eventually figured out that I could commit to two times a week pumping iron, and the other five days I will spend 30 minutes on the exercise bike while watching TV. After eight years of consistent effort, I've lost the fat (I went for a flat stomach, not a six pack) and I am pretty muscular (not anywhere near a body builder) - the point of saying this is to show you don't need to go to the gym five days a week to get muscular. Figure out your goals, figure out what you realistically commit to and go for it.

It's also not just about gym, but also about personal discipline. When you have your crap together and organised due to consistent effort, it leaves with you a personal sense of satisfaction. If you build this in your personal life, it then leaks over to your professional life, and your habits get better.

I don't know what career you have, but it's definitely not too late for you. Write down your list of general skills from your job, then apply for jobs in your field and apply for jobs that you can apply your general skills to. You don't need to tick all the boxes for a job, so as long as your skills give you a foundation, you're in with a chance. Also, considering volunteering (as mentioned already) or just finding any job - this will give you an immediate purpose and will get you out of the house.

Regarding relationships, I'm 43 and I've never been married. I've had five long-term relationships though and I'm currently in one. I can guarantee you that my happiness levels varied wildly between relationships and for 3/5, I would have been much happier single. Also consider that 50% of marriages end in divorce and 70% of divorces are initiated by the wife, so getting married comes with a 35% chance that your wife will divorce you, and sometimes this can bring hellish levels of misery if it is messy and there are kids involved. There point is that there is no guaranteed pathway to happiness. Regardless, it isn't too late for you and if you really want a child, as a man you don't have the body clock of a woman, so it isn't too late at 45 and there countless of examples of men far older than you who have kids.

At 45, you have 20 years of work left and around 35 years left to live - you're barely over halfway!

 

[Otomofan]

Thank you, guys.

 

[Darth Snoopy]

Thank you, guys.

Hang in there, Otomofan, there are many of us here who understand what you're going through.

If I can push through the pain then so can you.

 

[Klornamafern]

Hey man, I can only tell you what I know best for a man like me, I've been through hell with an abusive father all my childhood and I was abused alongside my mom, as soon as I got of a decent age I got in shape, nothing helps a man better than getting in shape, hitting the ******* gym and watching your health, go run, go lift, get in shape and then come tell me you don't feel better, you're 45, you're not old at all, if you feel old then you know the saying "Old's man strenght"? Wake up, bite your tongue and fight for your life. Just whatever you do, don't give up man, I know you can do it.

Hard times will not pass at all and you'll only get worse, it's how life is man, it's ******* hard for some of us, easier for others that's why you have to take it head on and fight for something better. Trust me, get in shape then tell me how you feel. I know you said you hate all these "plastic men" you now have and wasted your time and money on, but you don't see that we, collectors, are lucky enough to have role models through these characters, I bet there's one you love that had it hard in their story. Rise up man, as long and you now decide to change, you'll be fine.

I know you can DO it. You are lost now, but not forever.

 

[ZE_501]

@Otomofan -- regarding the working out. It can be really hard to start and hang in there, and really confusing at first. I do suggest looking for basic tutorials for calisthenics and body weight exercises + nutrition on YouTube, but here's something super easy to do that will 100% produce some tangible results, it's simple and if you screw it up you can just start over:

For seven days, do 3 push-ups. That's it, that's all. Even if you can do more, do only 3.

Try to do them with good technique (Google that). If you can't do them with 'strict' technique, get them done any way you can. Even if you have to start out on your knees instead of in a 'plank' straight position.

The secret being, you are training *your* body. Priming unused muscles, laying down new neuronal pathways. It takes time to do and time to change the crude matter our muscles and nerves are made of, but you're well within a threshold age-wise to accomplish it.

Anyway, after seven more days have passed, increase to 5. Next seven days, increase to 10. Can't do 10 in a row? No problem; take breaks in between of a couple minutes, five minutes, whatever, but get them done.

After another seven days increase to 15.

Increase by 5 every week until you reach 100 push-ups.

Sound impossible? It's not. And the timeline is up to you, the number is just a target, the techique and the discipline to do it every day is more important than any number.

If it takes you all year it takes you all year, but you will end up able to do much more than you could before, whatever the number. You'll feel at least a little better. Maybe you'll want to push yourself further. Try other exercises. Maybe you'll find exercises you like better over time.

Remember that 10 strict push-ups with good technique (which you will absolutely be able to do) is better than 30 sloppy ones with poor technique. So aim for the numbers but don't get hung up on them.

Start with only 3, and keep increasing the number every week. See where it takes you.

It's not even about how your body looks. It's about how you feel when you use it.

If you find a routine online you like, by all means do that instead, but if you're paralyzed and can't start, do this one small, simple thing. Takes less mental resources and less commitment than a whole routine, which may be what you need for a kick-start. The point is simply to move.

There are a lot of us here who train one way or the other, you can always post questions here.

 

[BACON!]

When it comes to exercise, I suggest bike riding. Way back when I was 28, I was out of work for a year and lost over 100 lbs bike riding every day. I got addicted to it, and it is much less stress on your body than other forms of exercise.

 

[Gipetto0812]

I've been struggling what to write for @Otomofan as everyone deals with these things differently. And there's been so much amazing advice from all these incredible members that idk how much value I can really add to the conversation. All I can do is hopefully give my story and maybe it will also show that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I lost my previous job in mid 2019. A job that I had since I was in college. And it's not like I was a slacker of an employee. Quite the contrary, I was the youngest person in the office running the largest project my office had seen in years and I was doing it mostly by myself with little help from my boss. Apparently I was taking the jobs from the longer time employees who had given up any sort of drive to do better for themselves and me running this large project was the icing on the cake for bitter feelings. It was easier to let one good guy go than have an office full of bitter, overpaid slackers. And to top it off, no severance package whatsoever for a top performer either. Just empty well wishes.

So, here I was, alone b/c I put that job, that career, ahead of everyone. Barely any friends left except for the ones who were incredibly understanding, family was hit or miss, and no romantic relationship to speak of as they all fell apart due to me prioritizing this "amazing opportunity" over them.

I had to decide what kind of man I wanted to be. Yes, I sat in depression for a little while, not going to lie about that. How can anyone not?

But IMO, you find your strength in the hardest of times. Yes, I had to sell nearly my entire collection along with clothes, shoes, dvds, games, anything of value had to go. So much had to be sold to make it. But I made it and I'm all the better for it. Not to mention, I'm no longer scared about losing a job! B/c I know things will work out some way shape or form.

Like other's have said, one of the best things you can do is get your health under control. I lost 95lbs by eating better and exercising while I had no job. Doing so also helps you feel better altogether b/c when you feel better physically, it usually also works in mentally feeling better as well.

I also journaled... A LOT! About anything and everything. How I was feeling, thinking (good and bad), goals---literally everything, I wrote it down. It really helps to get those thoughts out of your head and onto paper. IMO pen and paper is best but use what works for you.

Lastly, I took VERY inexpensive roadtrips. This helped me TONS! One of the worst things to do is just sit at home, alone, in darkness. I get it, it's tempting and you think it's comforting you but it's actually not! What I found out about doing these mini roadtrips while unemployed was that people are a lot nicer than you think they are. Since I felt like I had nothing to lose, I lost any sort of fear to talk to ppl I didn't know. Ppl are interested and interesting if you take the chance to talk to them and give them the chance to talk with you.

Learning about other ppls stories was super comforting b/c you realize more ppl than you think have been through what you have. And they're still here doing the best they can with what they have and so can you!

Things WILL get better! You just have to let them. Don't give up! Let things take their course. It's not going to be perfect as you build yourself back up but you will build yourself back up! It's possible.

 

[Zurdo95D]

@Otomofan we need you!

 

[Otomofan]

Well, my dad died this morning.

 

[HAL9000.]

Well, my dad died this morning.

So sorry for your loss.

I lost my dad when I was 29. He was my hero.

You never really get over a big loss, but you learn to live differently.

People will tell you to “stay strong” but that’s BS and you grieve in your way.

 

[a-dev]

Well, my dad died this morning.

So sorry Otomofan. Gutwrenching. My mum died unexpectedly in October last year. Heart attack. She had risk factors but you think you'll have time to address them. Nope, too late. And she's gone.

I know how I felt on the day and in the weeks afterwards, the emotional shock and desolation, I don't envy you right now. Post again when you're able.