Favorite Christmas Vacation quotes

[RoboDad]

I was visiting another forum, and someone was foolish enough to raise the question of whether or not National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation deserves all the accolades it receives, or whether it might be "overrated".

Well, after the question was answered (and the original poster beaten to a pulp), the thread turned into a "post you favorite quotes from the movie" thread. So, I thought I'd start one here.

Here are my two favorites (although there are so many, it's really hard to narrow it down):

“Eddie, if I woke up tomorrow with my head stapled to the carpet, I couldn't be more surprised than I am right now.”

“Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?”

 

[BadMoon]

"Merry Christmas! ****ter was full!"

"Go get the rubber sheets and the gerbils."

"Tis the season if things wouldn't be any less hooter...hotter than they are."

I am just getting warmed up.

 

[BadMoon]

"I hope he falls and breaks his neck."

"I'm sure he'll fall. I just don't think we will be lucky enough for him to break his neck."

 

[BadMoon]

"Thhiss tree is the sthhymbol of the sthhpirit of the grithhzwald family christhhhmas."

 

[BadMoon]

"You couldn't hear a dump truck driving threw a nitroglycerin plant."

"Did I break wind again?" "Jesus Bethany did the room clear out?"

 

[BadMoon]

"Put it over there with the others grease ball!"

"Get me somebody, anybody. Well then get me somebody while I'm waiting!"

 

[RoboDad]

I just can't stop with two...

"Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... an ******* in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer..."

"If that cat had nine lives, he just spent 'em all!"

 

[BadMoon]

I just can't stop with two...

"Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn... the clean, cool chill of the holiday air... an ******* in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer..."

I was trying to remember all that. Touche! I love that line.

 

[RoboDad]

Ellen (regarding Clark's Christmas "bonus"): "What is it?"
Clark: "It's... It's a one-year membership in the jelly of the month club..."
Eddie: "Clark, that's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year!"

it's funny how so many of my favorites revolve around Cousin Eddie!

 

[MaulFan]

"Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey **** he is. Hallelujah. Holy ****. Where's the Tylenol? "

 

[The Mike]

"Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny ****ing Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of *******s this side of the nuthouse. "

 

[MaulFan]

"Hey Griswald, where do you think you're gonna put tree that big?"

"Bend over and I'll show ya!"

"You've got a lotta nerve talking to me like that!"

"I wasn't talking to you!"

 

[The Mike]

"Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah."

 

[MaulFan]

I simply solved a problem. We needed a coffin, ha, a tree. There are no lots open on Christmas Eve. Louis burnt down mine, so I solved as best I could, walla...

...I'm fine hunny, *whistling, chainsaw* fixed the newel post!

 

[The Mike]

"Every time Catherine would turn on the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour."

 

[The Craw]

eddie: "i dont think i should be sliding down no hill with nothing between the ground and my brain but a piece of government plastic."

clark: "do you really think it matters eddie?"